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Affirmative Action Airlines: Travel 2035

I give a fuck, huh?

I give a fuck, huh?

Kenya Marie, Stewardess

Y’all hurry up an’ get on ‘is muhfuggin’ plane. An’ ya’ll better be careful, too, ‘cause da nigga in the jetway control house or whateva lef’ about a ten inch gap between the plane an’ the thing y’all be walkin’ on. Muhfugga be lookin’ like he smoked some shit ‘fo he got heah. Dumb ass mulatto pothead muhfugga.

Hurry up, bitch! Gimme dat walker so I can tag it. Fuckin’ the whole flow up, dumb ol’ bitch. Move! Go sit da fuck down. What? Whatchoo said? Whatchoo said? Look at me again. I fuckin’ dare you. Look at me again. Ugly-ass cracker bitch. I don’t give a fuck what da boardin’ pass say. WHAT? I’ll use whateva fuckin’ language I fuckin’ want. Talk again. Talk again. Fuckin’ cutchoo.

Now look at dis crazy-ass cracker runnin’ like a dumbass.

Don’t smile at me. I don’t give a fuck why you runnin’. We late, anyway. We wasn’t holdin’ shit fo’ you. We ALWAYS late, muhfugga. When we on time, it’s a accident! Hahahaha! Shut up, man. I look like I wanna chat wit’ yo’ dumb ass? Get the fuck back an’ put yo shit up in the thing an’ sit down.

Gate say close dis shit up an’ go. I’ma go wake up Traeshawn so he can start dis bitch up.

Where Traeshawn be at? Again? Dat’s the third shit he done took this mornin’. He ain’ takin’ no shit; nigga’s herpes be actin’ up. Dat’s why he always digging’ an’ scratchin’ at his crotch an’ shit. Nasty nigga. He bettah get out heah an get dis plane goin’. I goin’ see me a concert tonight an if we late, he payin’ me back.

Ladies an’ gentlemen: y’all can read da safety shit in y’all seats, ‘cause I ain’ goin’ through all dat wit y’all. If we crash, we goin’ die, an’ if anybody act stupid while we in tha air, I’ma cut yo’ face wit’ dis razor. Y’all got dat? So jus’ buckle y’all fuckin’ seat belts an’ sit still. An’ keep y’all nasty little kids quiet or I’ma buss some ass.

Traeshawn Alcorn, Pilot

What da fuck she said? Nasty ho. If anybody got herpes, it’s dat bitch. I’ll push her ass out at 30 thousand feet she don’t shut da fuck up.

Pre-flight check. Flaps? Check. Fuel? Check.  Rollin’ papers? Yep. Hydraulics? Dey be good. Kool aid? ‘Sall good. Aw, man. Enough wit’ dat. We made it here from Newark, didn’t we? What?  You think da plane just broke since we landed? We don’ need ta do dat flight check shit between every fuckin’ flight, man. Jus’ chill. Pass me dat.

Where we goin’? You put it in the computer yet? Aw, man. Chicago? Damn. I owe a nigga some money up there. He always know when I comin’. Damn.

Lemmee borrow fifty dollars, man. Pay you back in Detroit…

I don’t fuckin’ know. It always be flashin’.  Just put some tape over it. Don’ mean shit…

 Sam Bernard, Flight Mechanic

Whatchoo mean ‘s’posed to.’? I ain’ s’posed to do nothin’ but stay black an’ die, bitch. I put it back and screwed it down an’ I ain’t fuckin’ takin’ it apart again. Extra screw my nuts. Fuckin’ thing has two engines, right? One. Two. One don’ work, they fix it on the other end. It’s runnin’ ain’t it? Or is you deaf, too?

Fuckin’ look at me like that. What? You my muhfuggin’ master? You fix it. I’m on break.

Since you fucked wit’ me, dat’s when.  File me a fuckin’ grievance. I give a fuck about yo’ schedule. I got seniority, bitch. Whatchoo got?

Shaleeka Simmons, Air Traffic Controller

Shit, I don’t know, American 325. Twelve miles.

Fo’ true? Then fly lower. You hit him an’ ‘at’s yo fuckin’ problem. I ain’ flyin’ yo plane.

Delta 319, turn right an’ speed up or y’all gonna die. Dumb ass bitch. Can’t you see yo’ radar? I don’t know. Just right. What, I gotta solve all yo’ fuckin’ problems? Fly yo’ plane, cracka!

Twalise Simmons (no relation), Accident Investigator

Somethin’ broke an’ it fuckin’ crashed right here. The end, bitch. Now let’s go get some wings. Fuck no, I ain’ drivin’. I ain’ got no gas.


7 Comments

  1. CPM says:

    Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant and hilarious!

    Good glimpse of an affirmative action/diverse future devoid of the evil white man (who, by the way, is the only one that can invent and maintain this stuff).

  2. George says:

    Great command of ebonics on exhibit here; I laughed for a good long while. Fortunately for those who have to use this mode of travel, it is only the Stewards/Stewardesses who (at least for the time being) will staff the planes. Blacks still haven’t shown that they have enough grey matter to actually fly a jetliner- I don’t know whether they let them become air traffic controllers or not. Quoting another source from memory; less than 1% of Air Force pilots are black, and it is NOT because the Air Force Brass would not be delighted to have a “more diverse” stable of pilots, rather it is because they simply cannot find blacks who possess the necessary intelligence. So…unless the “gub’mint” decides to force the commercial air lines to hire blacks to be pilots and “graduate” them the way the high school teachers are forced to “graduate” black high school students, they simply will not have enough black pilots to show a real presence as commercial pilots. Now, I would not put it past Obama and company to do exactly that- force air lines into training blacks for such positions regardless of their ability to handle the job, but I will certainly not be riding those “friendly skies” if that comes to be the case.

    • I think “forced graduation” of the sort you describe is EXACTLY what we have in store on a large scale. That was kind of my point. Add to that the fear of “discrimination” penalties, and I believe the future will be full of the underqualified underperforming without fear of repercussion.

  3. George says:

    As I said, I do not doubt that Obama might try to force this, but the laws of economics would prevail. Too many crashes = loss of revenue both from destroyed planes and passengers unwilling to board them. Unless technology comes to their rescue and automates flight to such a degree that a trained monkey/black man can sit in the pilot’s seat and sleep or watch videos while eating fried pork rinds the experiment will not last long!

  4. George says:

    Also, air lines and other employers could circumvent the problem by hiring Indian or Asian H-1B employees who are trained and capable pilots (or whatever profession you care to name) in the same way that Micro$oft and other software companies brought in thousands of IT people from those lands to displace the poor White kids who went to College in the ’90’s with the hope of becoming IT professionals. This is still being done and as a matter of fact more H-1B visas are being issued now than before. This, as a matter of fact is exactly how my Orthopedist got around hiring blacks; there is not one black man or woman in the pool of assistants, med techs and Nurse Practitioners that work at his practice. The help there is either Asian or White. Do not misunderstand- I do not like the importation of these people to our land using the visa workaround, but I could see industry using that route to circumvent the problem you propose for the future.

  5. Nate Higgers says:

    If I ever saw a n1gger flight attendant or pilot on my plane, I’d be getting off that damn plane that very second, and suing the airline for placing my life in danger.
    Thank God I can fly first class wherever I go, no way they’d ever allow n1ggers in there.

  6. Chimpkeeper says:

    You all misunderstand. Negroes are perfectly capable of being pilots n’ sheeeit and understanding basic aerodynamics n’ flight mechanics n’ aircraft propulsion n’ sheeeit. It’s jus’ dat YT beez keepin’ da black man down wid his rayciss booosheeeit. Dat’s why Obongo made an Executive Order to edumacate the nigras and make dem smart n’ sheeeit so dey can succeed in da white man’s world and fly da airplane.

    http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-…nce-african-am

    In fact the Africans have followed in the wake of giants like Grumman, Hughes, Boeing, Curtiss, Northrup etc. Watch these informative videos and see the neegras’ attempt at a Kenyan aviation industry :

    You may also want to check out http://www.chimpmania.com for informative news on the Negro.

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